“Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling —- I don’t think it’s any of that —- it’s helpless … it’s absence of control —- and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that —- I have no use for it whatsoever.” – Toni Morrison
The root cause of anger is frustration. The average person experiences about 20 frustrations a day. These range from the minor – somebody used the last milk and failed to replace it – to the major – a member of your staff made a costly mistake that could get you fired.
Frustration is about wanting something and not getting it. It is the first step to getting angry and a low tolerance of frustration leads to anger. You must have your way; your staff must do things as instructed
Frustration is normal but to move into anger is a choice – they are the problem,” I’m going to punish them.” For example, you engage in passive-aggressive behaviour – such as the silent treatment. But it does not make things happen the way you want them to happen. People who get angry have a sense of entitlement – things should be done their way. Rather focus on what you can do something about.
Anger is normal – but you don’t want to have to live there. If you let someone make you angry you’re giving them the power. You need to distance yourself from the emotion. You may say or do something you wish you hadn’t and cause irreparable damage to relationships. You don’t have to punish – move on – it’s a choice,and life is about choices.
Anger causes you to lose your dignity and your dignity is part of your power. Anger is a secondary emotion – the primary emotion is frustration – if there is nothing you can do about something you need to get over it. Using a little more brain power will help. You need to move forward in a way that’s good for you.
Getting angry is not to your benefit and can adversely affect your health. So you need to be in control of yourself and learn to master you emotions.
Remember that the cause of anger is frustration. At frustration level become solution focused.
Food for thought:
Anger is like a flame blazing up and consuming our self-control, making us think, say, and do things that we will probably regret later. – THICH NHAT HANH, Savor
Anger is a choice, as well as a habit. It is a learned reaction to frustration, in which you behave in ways that you would rather not. In fact, severe anger is a form of insanity. You are insane whenever you are not in control of your behavior. Therefore, when you are angry and out of control, you are temporarily insane. – WAYNE W. DYER, Your Erroneous Zones
When your rage is choking you, it is best to say nothing. – OCTAVIA E. BUTLER, Fledgling